I had a problem with alcohol.
It’s taken me a long time to write this because I didn’t really want to admit it.
But I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. And I suspect I’m not alone.
My problem with alcohol was not black & white. It’s more of a grey area.
I didn’t drink to excess every day, but I did drink daily. I didn’t binge drink, but on the occasional weekend, I did have more than I should have and woke up hungover.
So, would I consider myself an alcoholic? No. But was I relying on it to “de-stress” or as a coping mechanism for sorrow? Yes. Did I sometimes rely on it to be the social lubricant to help me feel more confident? Yes.
Drinking & perimenopause
Now, this was probably less noticeable when I was in my 20’s and 30’s, because I’d bounce back pretty quickly from any consumption of alcohol.
Then, I hit my 40’s. Most women on their menopausal journey will not be able to process alcohol the way that they used to. But for many of us our intake has not changed.
And that’s where I was at - still drinking like I was in my early 30s and refusing to admit that my body (physically and mentally) was suffering and needed to cut back. Doing so was like an admission that perimenopause had “won”….
My blood pressure was through the roof. I was not “fat” but certainly “skinny fat” with a middle belly pooch. My skin was not glowing & plump. My sleep suffered every time I had more than 1- 2 drinks (and still does). I also increasingly experiencing mental blackouts every time I drank. Even if it was just 3 - 4 glasses, I’d struggle to remember conversations and events the next day.
The “grey area” of drinking
You see, it’s easy to judge the true binge drinkers when they’re blind drunk and slurring. It’s also easy to judge those who drink all day from when they wake, or who can’t hold down jobs or relationships because of alcohol. Those are easy to classify as “black & white” cases.
But I was in a “grey area”….
I’d come home from work every day, go into autopilot mode and pour myself a glass of wine. I’d justify it by saying I had a stressful day, that I needed to unwind. But this was just mindless, unnecessary drinking.
On weekends I’d have more than the one or two mid-week glasses, regularly having half a bottle of wine or more as I “unwound” on Friday and Saturday evenings.
Getting fit & drinking
It all came to a head when I came back home from a big holiday around Europe where I’d eaten and drunk my way around several countries, I felt fat, bloated and miserable. And while my eating and lack of exercise had a lot to do with it, I couldn’t deny that the drinking was also an issue.
So I went cold turkey. I stopped drinking for about a month (the longest I’d ever gone without alcohol since I was in my 20s). And as it turned out, I didn’t miss it that much.
I learnt I don’t actually even love the taste of alcohol - I was just in it for the buzz. I also learnt alcohol makes you really (really) bloated. And while sober me is miles more sensible, I also discovered I wasn’t a TOTAL Boring Betty if I wasn’t drinking - I could still have fun with my friends and family, AND I could remember everything.
I did combine this journey with an increase in exercise and better, cleaner eating. Together, I lost a whole dress size in 6 months, my blood pressure is finally back down to normal AND I feel a whole lot better about myself.
Given how much harder it is to lose our midlife fat / weight in the perimenopause & menopause phase of our lives, I’m pretty pleased with this achievement.
Today, I have a better, healthier relationship with alcohol.
I’ve introduced it back into my life now, but with some new rules:
I don’t drink alone. My mindless, daily, solo-sipping was adding unnecessary calories and weight, never mind disrupting my sleep every night and killing a few brain cells along the way! This little change alone has seen me slash my calories and curb my mid-week drinking sessions.
I avoid daytime drinking. I love a long lunch but try to avoid alcohol (or I have just one single glass). My body just doesn’t like processing alcohol anymore, and daytime sessions leave me tired and sleepy. Plus they tend to extend to the evenings, becoming a really long session of eating and drinking.
I choose skinny drinks. For some reason my body processes vodka much better than it does wine (even though I LOVE wine). With the bonus of the vodka being super skinny on calories, I now try to stick to “vodka boring” (as my friend Shelley calls it!) for as long as possible if I’m out (I’ve been known to sneak in vodka in my handbag if I’m going to events where I know they’ll only serve wine and beer). As a treat to myself at the end of the evening, I’ll have a glass of red wine to finish.
It’s probably worth mentioning at this stage that if you’re reducing or removing alcohol because you are on a fat loss journey, you will only reap the benefits if you’re not replacing the alcohol with another vice! Eg. sugar, sweets, soft drinks, snacking, etc.
Changing your relationship with alcohol in midlife
In a culture like Australia, so much of what we do is centered around alcohol. Celebrations, sorrow, sporting events, catching up with friends, family BBQs, heck - even just passing time on a Sunday is cause for a reason to pull up a berth at the local pub.
So it does take a bit of tenacity to say “no, thank you” to a drink, when offered one. And it takes even more guts not to be bothered when people express a loud “Really??? Are you SURE??? Not even ONE???” reaction when you say you’re fine for a drink. And you need extra thick skin when you know people think you’re being boring!!!
Changing your relationship with alcohol, especially at midlife, is not easy. And for some of us, you may choose to completely eliminate it from your life and embrace a sober lifestyle.
For me, I have introduced alcohol back into my lifestyle. It’s not zero tolerance, but I have significantly reduced and cut back from my norm. Do I come home from work most days and think about pouring myself a glass as I stand in kitchen cooking dinner? Yes. I would be lying if I said no.
But I choose my health. I choose to keep my weight under control, my mind sharp and my sleep blissful. I finally feel I am in control of my relationship with alcohol. There’s a lot less grey, and a lot more of me knowing and choosing the occasions I drink, how much I have when I do and creating balance in my life.
If this is you…
If you’re experiencing a similar journey, I respect you. I’m here if you want to reach out for a chat. But mostly - be kind to yourself.
Remember, there’s no “right” or “wrong” - and that the above only reflects my own personal experience and choices. We’re all just navigating our lives the best way we know how, and trying to find peace amongst chaos. So cheers to you and all our midlife sisters.
P.S.
If you’re on a personal journey to get fit and lose weight but you don’t want to ditch the booze, download my free “Get Fit Without Giving Up The Drinks” Guide.
I’ve discovered how to regain my energy and rediscovered my waist and confidence—all while still enjoying my drinks and without giving up my social life!
Mid life brings so many changes - thank you for the gentle (and humorous) reminders that we are not alone, and that we will get through it!